50% of women don’t share opinions in order to be seen as ‘likeable’ 

New report reveals the extent of female ‘shapeshifting’ in life and at work to be liked by others, including frequent apologies, downplaying achievements and softened speech

Good Shout, the extraordinary Learning and Development company, has unveiled its latest report, “Shapeshifters 2025: what we do to be liked in life and at work” showing stark findings. The study investigated the concept of likeability and authenticity, revealing the pressure that women feel to be liked, and the lengths they’ll go to in order to make themselves more palatable.

“Likeability labour”

The report findings highlight what Good Shout calls “likeability labour” – the mental and emotional load of worrying about being liked – with 56% of women feeling pressure to be likeable (either all of the time or sometimes) versus only 36% of men. Additionally, the consequences of being disliked are significant for women, with 37% fearing that unless they’re liked people will talk behind their backs, and 18% expressing concerns about being overlooked at work.

It’s a constant concern: over a third of women were worried about being seen as too confident or bossy, and 20% of women reported having been called bossy compared to only 12% of men. In addition, almost half of all women (43%) said that they downplayed their achievements as not to alienate others.

“Shapeshifting” and changing behaviour  

Good Shout, known for its communication training programmes, was inspired to conduct the report after noticing a prevalent trend: people – especially women – often edit themselves when speaking in meetings and in conversation due to fears of being perceived as unlikeable.

While both men and women expressed the desire to be seen as likeable, women were overwhelmingly more likely to take actions to change themselves in order to avoid disapproval. Women are 15% more likely than men to change how they act or speak in order to be liked. And 50% of women said they held back their true opinion in order to be liked.  Over a third (35%) of women try to “smile more” to be liked – a behaviour often driven by deeply ingrained habits that are hard to break.

Editing and self-censoring language

In the study, women reported feeling the most pressure to be likeable in social settings (34%), closely followed by being at work (31%). No surprise then that this manifests in the way language is used in the workplace. Women are most likely to use common ‘softening’ phrases such as:

• “Is it ok if I just…” (when you have a legitimate ask) (38% of women, 20% of men)
• “I might be wrong, but…” (when they knew they aren’t) (35% of women, 21% of men)
• “Sorry, just quickly…” (when they need something important done) (40% of women, 23% of men)
• “Does that make sense?” (when they knewit did) (46% of women, 29% of men)
• “Is this a silly question?” (when they knewit wasn’t) (34% of women, 20% of men)
• “It would be amazing if” (when making a basic request) (37% of women, 22% of men)

Women are…

• 10% more likely than men to say sorry
• 10% more likely than men to put other people’s needs first
• 10% more likely than men to avoid sharing strong opinions
• 13% more likely than men to agree with someone they didn’t actually agree with
• 8% more likely than men to do something they didn’t want to do

Older and giving less f*cks 

Respondents overall showed that people are less likely to care about being liked as they age (62% of 18-24 year olds said that being liked was either important or very important compared to only 47% of 45-54 year olds), and 45% of 65+ saying they would not change their behaviour in order to be liked.

The research was carried out for the upcoming Good Shout event, The Unlikeable Woman™ Summit, scheduled for 28 May. The summit aims to encourage women to communicate more directly and confidently, without feeling the need to apologise for their assertiveness. The event will feature a remarkable lineup of speakers, including women’s rights activist Dr. Charlotte Proudman, trans advocate and TV personality Ella Morgan, author of “Women Who Work Too Much” Tamu Thomas, and many more, all of whom will share their insights and experiences to inspire attendees.

Good Shout CEO, sociologist and best-selling author, Amy Kean, comments: “For centuries, women have been told that being liked and popular is the most important thing in life. Niceness has been used as a stick to beat us with, and if you’re honest you’re too direct; if you’re assertive, you’re too bossy. Without even realising it, millions of us are now softening our words and downplaying our real selves every single day, because the consequences of not being liked can be truly alienating.

But from a communications perspective, when directness is compromised, it’s replaced with telling half-truths, withholding information and opinions, bitching and passive aggression. It’s time for our communication to fire up. At Good Shout we want everyone – especially women – to say what they mean; approach conversations with more honesty and understand that being disliked is an inevitable part of life.”

She continues: “Our Unlikeable Woman Summit is a love letter to the women brave enough to be direct, honest and celebrate their achievements. There’s many of them out there, and we’ve created a safe and loud space for us to learn from each other.”

Dr Charlotte Proudman, award-winning women’s rights barrister, added, “Women are socialised to be likeable – taught to smile, people-please, and apologise before we ever learn to speak our truth. I’m proud to take part because rejecting likability is often the first act of resistance.”

Shapeshifters 2025: what we do to be liked in life and at work was carried out by Research Clever and included 1,000 respondents.